Frequently Offended Questions
Did the government actually cancel your license plate over your last name?
Yes. The Texas DMV approved the plate, I drove with it for two years, then one complaint got it canceled. Apparently my Dutch surname violated their “derogatory” standard.
Is your name family friendly?
Topgolf wouldn't let me finish creating a membership account because my last name triggered their family-friendly content filter. This is a place where you drink and hit things. Apparently Hoes is where they draw the line.
Where my Hoes at?
Most offices just kind of pause before calling our name; you can see it on their face, then they switch from calling last names to calling our first name. But one nurse didn't miss a beat. She just leaned out and yelled "WHERE MY HOES AT?" across a full waiting room. I have nothing but respect for that woman.
Did you give your kids different last names?
Someone actually asked me that once. No, we didn't. They're Hoeses. They'll be fine. Probably.
Where's your happy place?
We wore matching “Smokin’ Hoes Bar-B-Que” shirts to Disney World. Security had questions. The happiest place on earth was mildly concerned. We made it in eventually.